Hollywood film-making tricks follow their own fashions–and, apparently, implosions are hot right now. How apropos that the movie industry’s current obsession is a gigantic sucking… thing.
Of course, we, the viewing public, know exactly what to do when confronted with an implosion.
{via}
“Because the thing is, the good people at Mattel, for example, have an image in mind for Barbie, and they don’t want anything that would possibly ruin that image. So those adventures she’s having with the horse? If that horse’s head ever goes anywhere near her crotch, if anything looks like it could be interpreted sexually between her and that horse, that’s a HUGE issue. It makes for a database of hilarious bugs…” {From: The Trenches – An Incorrect Assumption.}
Okay, I’ll admit that this aspect of game testing never really occurred to me. Though I imagine that other *ahem* game companies have a position that must be the inverse of this one, shudder to think.
Cheap Solar Panels Made With An Ion Cannon. Great! Now, does anyone know where I can get a cheap ION CANNON?
“If you have a few spare minutes this weekend, and if you can approach gender identity matters like a grown-up, I highly recommend playing Dys4ia, a new Flash game from Anna ‘Auntie Pixelante’ Anthropy (Mighty Jill Off).” {From: You should play Dys4ia – Tiny Cartridge}
Hey there, folks. I’ve been thinking about something over the past few weeks. Pondering my options, if you will.
As regular readers might be aware, I sometimes post video game-related musings in this space. In fact, I’ve done it 30 times, up to this point. It’s been fun–I like talking about video games. But something weird is happening. Something doesn’t feel quite right. And I’m having a little trouble explaining why that is.
That’s what I’ve been thinking about.
In my initial statement of intent, I made rather a large deal of how this blog was meant to encompass a wide swath of different subjects, different types of posts, and different styles; that’s where the name “Odd Lots” comes from. The reason for this was two-fold. First of all, it was an out and out rejection of the traffic-building, SEO-oriented strategy of creating a single-topic blog that would attract a large number of regular viewers, because I don’t give a damn about BIG NUMBERS and all the attendant bullshit that comes with them.
The second reason for this site’s broad topicality is a little more complicated. I am a bit of a magpie where my interests are concerned, and the thought of restricting myself to a singular topical focus is the sort of thing that drives me bananas. I would inevitably grow bored with whatever subject I might have picked as my specialty, meaning that my blog would move into more general interests, or I would have to start up new blogs for every subject about which I felt like pontificating.
I’ve been down that road before. At one point, I was maintaining three separate blogs–one for long essays, one for short musings and links, and one for video game coverage. This situation was a bit of a nightmare, because no matter how much I wrote, I felt like at least one of those sites was being neglected. I kind of swore (without ever explicitly saying so) that I would never allow myself to end up in that position again.
My solution was, as you have seen, to simply dump every single thing that I write on to Odd Lots, regardless of subject. By and large, this has worked out fairly well; the content seen here is unabashedly random.The thing is though–to me at least–the video game stuff sticks out like a sore thumb, and I have been racking my brains to figure out why that is, and what I should be doing about it.
So far, the closest I’ve been able to come to an answer for those questions is this: I have a sense that, if I were to allow myself free rein on the topic, it would eventually come to dominate the site, and thus Odd Lots would become a single-topic blog, with occasional interludes of non-game related content. Now, I know that’s codswallop–I’m simply not that prolific. I don’t tend to write a lot about any given topic, no matter how passionate I might be about it. And yet… I also have a small, nagging feeling that I’ve been holding myself back a little bit. I may have an essay or two that I refused to allow myself to write because there was a chance that they would open up some floodgate or other.
But that’s nonsense! As far as I can tell, I haven’t any floodgates. I’ve got series upon series that I could be expanding on that I somehow manage to ignore. I could probably spend a week or two waxing on and on about video games, but I’m certain that it will all peter out over that relatively short period of time, at which point my brain would return to normal operation. But what if that doesn’t happen? I shudder to think.
I am therefore considering my options. Specifically, I’m thinking of starting up a second blog as a venue for all of my interactive electronic entertainment musings. There are pros and cons to this. Pro: I can get all that gamer stuff out of my system, without risking the anarchic integrity of Odd Lots. Con: I am restricted to free blogging services for the moment, and all of the free blog host options out there are desperately terrible. Well, maybe that’s a little unfair. I should say, rather, that all of the free options are mostly okay, but each of them has at least one aspect that I find completely insufferable. This makes starting up any new venture a most unpleasant prospect.
How frustrating. And I apologize for inflicting you all with my hemming and hawing. I often try to solve my dilemmas by writing about them–I find that it easier to organize my thoughts, that way. I have started many essays without knowing what I really think, only to find a crystal clear solution has precipitated out by the end. This is not one of those times.
Looks like I’ve got more pondering to do.
In spite of the fact that I have absolutely nowhere to put it, and will no doubt not have the money for it in any case, I would love to have one of the talking Cave Johnson paintings that ThinkGeek is going to be selling.
After almost eight months, dozens of lackluster software releases, and a precipitous price drop, I think it’s fair to say that the Nintendo 3DS is a definitive… something. A C-minus, maybe. It’s whatever one calls a thing that’s not a total failure, but also not a smashing success. A “meh”, maybe.
(Before I go on, I should probably address the fact that it’s not very wise to have an opinion about a video game system, because dedicated fans do have a tendency to assume that they’re the only ones capable of having an informed, unbiased opinion about anything, and then further assume that anyone who disagrees with them is some sort of brainwashed, easily swayed fanboy. Being that I am a dedicated fan of gaming, I know that this doesn’t make me look very good, but keep in mind that it’s very likely that whatever your highly logical and thought-out opinions are on the subject, I’m not likely to take you seriously. We could both be a pair of howling idiots for all I know. Whether you’re too stupid to make sense or I’m too dumb to listen will have to be a mystery for the ages, so let’s just short-circuit all that rigamarole by agreeing to politely disagree and move on, shall we?)
The three main selling points of any Nintendo console are Mario, Link, and (to a lesser extent) Samus Aran. You will never see these characters appear on a non-Nintendo console from this point forward, for as long as we all shall live. Even if their parent company goes completely bankrupt, Nintendo will most likely sell off their office furniture, leave all the doors open, and let their corporate headquarters be reclaimed by nature before they’d allow their precious intellectual property appear on a rival game system. Yes, the CD-i version of Zelda were just that bad.
In spite of that tremendous advantage, the last three game systems that they’ve created have all instead relied on well-hyped hardware gimmicks, specifically motion control, touchscreens, and 3-D. These are all actually pretty nifty innovations that Nintendo has enthusiastically given to the world, only to watch a parade of 3rd party developers look back at them in total confusion. This is chiefly because game developers can’t wrap their minds around any innovation that doesn’t fit on the non-disruptive, higher-poly-count/higher-resolution curve that allows them to keep making the same games over and over again by only re-rendering their graphical assets. What are game makers meant to do when confronted by a non-HD system with motion controls: Rack their brains for some creative way to use this new innovation to jump gaming into the next stage of evolution? Or should they instead toss away their controllers in confusion, saying, “I can’t make Call Of Duty on this thing,” and call it a day? I think we know how that turned out.
So, the 3DS: Here we have another innovation that Nintendo’s partners will once again completely fail to take advantage of. But that’s actually not bad news. The whole 3D thing was just a Trojan horse, anyway. The fact is that the only reason that the 3DS was even produced was because they had to come up with a response to some analyst’s line graph indicating that DS sales were about to plateau. Well, that and the ominous laughter that was starting to emerge from Sony’s fortified skyscraper. Nintendo needed a new thing to sell, and while they might have gotten by with a slightly more powerful DS with a much better pair of screens, that incremental, linear approach (call it “The Gamecube Strategy”) hasn’t worked for them nearly as well as adding some off the wall feature to an otherwise mediocre piece of hardware has (like they did with the Wii).
Like the original DS’s touchscreen, the whole 3D thing may as well not even exist, barring a few early exceptions. Nintendo has stated that 3DS games should be playable even with the 3D feature turned off. The developers will quickly nod their heads and get on with producing the same old tat they always do, only with some slapdash 3D slotted into place for those who can be bothered to turn their sliders up, and meanwhile Nintendo will go on to release a couple of first party titles that will demonstrate how the technology should be used.
Still, it’s hard not to think that Nintendo has shot themselves squarely in the foot, at this point. Right out of the gate people were saying that the hardware was too expensive, and the release-day titles were just not very fun. Eight months later, those people seem like geniuses, because since then the price was dropped, and better games are starting to trickle out. It’s almost like Nintendo was listening! I mean, they probably weren’t, but I suppose anything’s possible. If they are listening though, it would be a good time for me to say this: You almost had me, Nintendo.
When the price of the 3DS was lowered, I came very close to buying one. Very, very close. Standing around at Best Buy fogging up the glass, close. But before I could deposit my next paycheck, word started going around about the imminent announcement of a secondary slide-pad accessory. And that, finally, knocked a tiny bit of sense into me. Because frankly, the existence of such a thing makes the 3DS look like a busted piece of technology.
It was the Wii’s Motion Plus all over again. Another tacit admission on Nintendo’s part that hey, they may have released the console before it was actually finished. Maybe the big N has no plans to ever release a 3DS version 2, with an integrated second slide pad, but given their history of frequently re-releasing the same hardware with minor improvements, I’m sure as hell going to wait and see.
Did you get that, Nintendo? An admitted Nintendo apologist is telling you that he is unwilling to give you any money because he can no longer trust you. I bought every version of the Game Boy that you released in North America, and I am not falling for that shit again. Put out a definitive, final version of the hardware, that will not require you to slap ridiculous add-ons to it, stick with it for more than two or three years, and then apologize to all the people you’ve bamboozled with your broken game system.
And fix the battery life, while you’re at it!
It’s amazing how quickly new technology spreads. You get a portal gun! And YOU get a portal gun! And YOU ALSO get a portal gun! Pretty soon everyone will have one! I don’t remember the Gravity Gun getting this kind of press, though.
This weekend I suddenly realized that there are two types of essays I’m ready to take a break from reading; and, therefore, I am doomed to eventually write them, which will bore everyone to tears, and it will be all my fault for refusing to listen to myself.
Which is to say, I think i’m done reading about how paper books are a fetish object; also, personal recollections about classic video games that are more memoir than game retrospective.
“I think my obsession with Ms. Pacman was in some way a childish attempt to heal my parents’ broken marriage.” Well that’s…. that’s just great.
If anybody out there is in a mood to ponder the ineffable, but can’t nail down a specific example that they’d like to explore, may I suggest you devote some time to trying to figure out why the hell the Angry Birds Windows theme is number two on their most popular list?
“Hmm, you know what I want to have in the background all day while I’m working? Garishly colored wallpapers with hideous cartoon birds on them!”
Or maybe it’s more like, “I want to be constantly reminded of the fact that, though what I’m doing now may be tedious, at least I am not running down my phone’s battery by playing video games on it.”
