Annals Of Alienation 12

One afternoon, several years ago, I experienced an epiphany. It suddenly occurred to me that it had been a very long time since I was last in a relationship, and even though I had been trying to find a new one, I had not actually managed to do so–and perhaps, I never would. I had to admit, when I considered the balance sheet of my pluses and minuses, perpetual solitude was seeming more and more likely the more I thought about it.

Part of getting older is learning to let go of the dreams and fantasies of youth, sometimes because they are unreasonable, and sometimes because, no matter how mundane they might appear, you just can’t make them work for some reason. It seemed to me that relationships were turning out to be in the second category. So, knowing that, what do you do with the rest of your life?

Annals Of Alienation 11

I’ve mentioned before that there’s no simple, single word that we can use to satisfyingly describe all the variants of those individuals whom we consider to be “romantic partners.” But, whether you refer to them as lovers, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, inamorata, bum-chums, or eventual victims of your parents’ inability to properly shepherd you through your emotional development, one has to wonder: What, exactly, are they good for? Society is constantly pushing us all to pair up (and don’t you get any crazy ideas, polyamorists, there’s only two seats per car on Mr. Western Society’s Wild Marriage Ride), but why? Isn’t it like those blue laws that some states have that won’t let you buy liquor on a Sunday? Something that might have made sense a couple of centuries back, but has outlived its usefulness? Romatic partnership? What’s the point?

Annals Of Alienation 10

Are You Normal?

When I was in school I witnessed so, so many nerds trying to shed their skins, aggressively striving to rebuild themselves. They often failed. Because in school it’s what other people think of you that determines where you fit. If they’ve made a decision about you already, it doesn’t matter how you change your appearance and behavior; you often cannot turn aside your social momentum.

Though they might have been loathe to admit it, most people looking to change themselves were just trying to approach the unattainable state we often refer to as normalcy. Being weird can be uncomfortable. It can even sometimes be dangerous. Accepting that they were unable to change the terms of what being normal meant, a lot of people I knew realized that they were going to have to change themselves.

Annals Of Alienation 8

Even the most sociable among us may find themselves alone at some point, but for many this is only a temporary state. However we come into it, we regroup, we get our bearings, we find somebody to talk to, and we get out of it. It may take a little while but, sometimes, we pull ourselves out of our individual hidden spirals, and we rejoin human society. And then, sometimes, we don’t.

All is not lost, though. It is always possible that someone out there may remember us, find us, take our hands and lead us (kicking and screaming, sometimes) out of our solitude. Whether that’s a comforting prospect, or something to dread, is up to the individual hermit to decide. In either case, the question is: Why?

So Behind

If you have access to the Internet it’s easy to think that you’re on top of things. Current events come at you in a torrent of headlines and comments. For example, I know that Charlie Sheen is batshit, I know which celebrities have recently died, and I know that there’s turmoil in Libya. I am in touch with the present.

Speaking of presents, in the past six months I have received a couple of gifts that have demonstrated how wrong I am to believe that I am in sync with the times: An iOS device, and a modern gaming console. Both of these things unsettled me deeply. Primarily because of my neurotic hang-ups about receiving gifts—but that’s a topic for another day. What I’d rather talk about now is the sense of temporal displacement that these gifts have inspired.

Annals Of Alienation 7

Regardless of how badly one wishes to be alone, it’s almost impossible to reach a level of total isolation. Most of us have to deal with other people, even if we don’t want to, in order to survive, day to day. Maybe you have friends, or co-workers, or family members from whom you cannot, or would not like to escape. And, well, they might have some questions.

Annals Of Alienation 6

Anyone who’s watched a bit of television during the past 60 years is probably familiar with just how formulaic it all can be, and no program format is more notorious for this sin than the multi-camera sitcom. Have you ever seen something like this? One character overhears part of a conversation between two or more other characters, gets the wrong idea as to what that conversation was about, which then leads to a hilarious series of odd behaviors and mis-communications, until the last five minutes, at which point the cast huddles up in the middle and lays its cards on the table. Big forced laugh, fade out, end credits.

A lot of critics find that sort of thing hokey and artificial, often noting that if someone had just come out and said whatever needed to be said in the first place, the whole mishegoss could have been avoided. It’s all just so fake, can you believe it?

But that’s completely wrong, of course–straight talk is just as hard to find in real life as it is in formulaic situation comedies….

Annals of Alienation 5

Yeah, I was one of those guys, once: A small-talker. Put the old me in a room with anybody and I’d just yak, yak, yak. How’re you doing? Where’re you from? What do you think of that Jigsaw guy? I don’t like him. Do you think he’s going to let us go?

How things have changed. I don’t engage in much small-talk with strangers any more. It’s just too unbearable… but maybe not for the reasons that you might think.

Links of Alienation

• Internet access at home increases the likelihood that adults will be in relationships, study finds.
• The most isolated man on the planet.
• Selfless behavior is considered alienating, creepy, weak.

Annals of Alienation 4

The lives of those who are without human company are often portrayed in a negative sort of way. The family of the alone, as far as the media is concerned, is chiefly comprised of stock characters like the Hermit, the Hoarder, the Shut-in, the Crazy Cat Lady, and Ted Kaczynski, a sad and potentially dangerous lot. This attitude is so pervasive that even I have allowed a melancholic undertone to creep into my own missives on the subject of aloneness. But it’s more complicated than that. Actually, abandoning human relationships has a lot going for it!