“Yeah, I know him. He was always a strange one, as long as I can remember. And he never grew up. I mean, he just sits there posting links to stories about reading in the bathroom.”
Tag Archives: ick
The Problems Of The Small Business Owner
“A man named Chen woke up recently to find a scorpion crawling over his body. Snapping on the bedroom light, he found his bedroom to be full of scorpions. He gathered his family and worked to capture several hundred of the arachnids. When they left the apartment, they found their neighbors had been battling the poison-tipped beasts, and their landlord, who wants them out to make way for a construction project, is suspected of letting them loose.” {From The Consumerist}
You know, if we (or China, in this case) are just going to punish entrepreneurs every time they come up with new, innovative approaches to business problems, we might as well just not get into business in the first place. Also, BC’s Scorpion Emporium is officially announcing its going-out-of-business sale. Totally unrelated.
There’s A Lot Going On Underground
“For the first time, scientists have found complex, multi-celled creatures living a mile and more below the planet’s surface, raising new possibilities about the spread of life on Earth and potential subsurface life on other planets and moons.” {From: The Washington Post | Via: Slashdot}
Another possibility that may be raised: The next time you go camping, when you lay yourself down on the paper-thin floor of that tent you just bought, and you imagine the living Earth, writhing with slimy, prehistoric creatures of the dark beneath you, you will have to remember to imagine that scene to a far greater depth than you had originally planned.
This Wouldn’t Stop Some People I Know
“You’ve gone to the trouble of being frugal and making your brown bag sandwich at home, then you open the fridge to discover some scoundrel has snatched it. Now thieves will pass over your food if you put it inside an Anti-Theft Lunch Bag, a ziplock bag with green splotches printed on the side.” {From The Consumerist}
This only works if you have a strong stomach, and your lunch-stealing counterpart has a weak one, of course. Otherwise, you may find yourself losing your appetite even if you’re aware of your own fakery, while your enemies see through the ruse, thanks to their piggish ability to eat any old garbage.
These Are The Sexy People In Your Neighborhood
I had no idea that Sesame Street had a red light district. For anyone actually thinking of dressing up in this outfit, please remember: Elmo may be a monster, but he is also a minor–so the real monster will be you. {Link via Chaos Theory}
Sensible Fan Reactions
Via the Millions comes a link to this charming music video production: Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury. Ah, it’s always the physically unappealing, past-their-prime, right-wing nutjobs who get the ladies, isn’t it? (Not that the man doesn’t deserve a lifetime pass, necessarily.) Still, I suspect that if Mr. Bradbury were ever to get wind of this song, it’s title is likely to inspire a twinge of nostalgia; I suspect that, fifty years ago, it was a phrase he heard all the time.
How Things Change
“Fifty-eight percent of Europeans wouldn’t (knowingly) devour cloned animals — and half of Americans are uncomfortable with the idea — but the omnivorous future holds an even more technologically advanced possibility: in vitro meat. No animal is killed; the flesh is lab-grown.” –from Esquire, via the Awl
I feel like an asshole for saying this, but I’m pretty sure that vat-grown meat is just about the only thing that would drive me to vegetarianism. It has little to do with real thought, and more just a gut feeling that petri-meat might be unwholesome in some existential way. I mean, you can’t directly prove that the prosciutto sliding out of your industrial-sized tubs was actually cultured from the animal you claim was the donor–those could be man-hams. And they will be, if it turns out that it’s cheaper to produce than the real deal.
On the other hand, think of the marketing gimmicks that would be opened by this sort of thing. A few body cells culled from a celebrity could be whipped up into blobby cubes of gourmet hors d’oeuvres for the delight of their stupid, stupid fans. Keep the nutrient feeds attached, and the saw about eating our stars alive would no longer be metaphorical.
Beware of Flies in Your Milk
Going Too Far
What is The Human Centipede? Well…
Which brings us to The Human Centipede, AKA “That movie that shows you ass to mouth! Yup, we said ASS TO MOUTH! Did you get that?! You know what we mean, right?? Don’t you want to SEE it now? Guys??” As expected, the plot is merely a vehicle for the rampant ass-to-mouthery: A psychotic German (redundant?) surgeon wants to sew three humans together to realize some moronic vision he’s had since childhood or whatever. So he does. And it’s fucking disgusting.
Okay. Granted, it is disgusting. But, so what? It’s a horror movie! How exactly does the concept of three people, two of which have their mouths sewn to another person’s asshole go too far when your talking about a horror movie? I mean, it’s pretty horrifying, isn’t it? That’s kind of the point, right?
Animals Are Weird
From mental_floss:
Let’s pretend, all evidence to the contrary aside, that I am a beautiful woman and I want to have children, right here and right now. What do you think is the best way to go about communicating that to men? Make eyes at them from across the room? Approach and aggressively flirt?
If I were a lady crayfish (crawfish, crawdad, mudbug, whatever you prefer to call them), my plan of action would be to urinate all over the place and start throwing punches.
We humans could learn… probably nothing, from this. But it is interesting.
