Sickly

I called in sick yesterday, waylaid as I was with a cold and a massive sore throat. I also stayed away from the Internet, since it usually comes in the form of brightly lit screens, which make my eyes hurt when I’m sick.

I wish I could remember who wrote it, but a long time I ago I read something where the writer made the point that taking to one’s bed with a pile of magazines is a good way to deal with being ill. I heartily endorse this strategy. Tolstoy and fever-dreams do not make for a winning combination–magazines, being generally lighter fare, are easier to take while drifting in and out of consciousness. (I mean, if you’re not reading Granta, or Foreign Policy or something.)

The other thing that happens when I’m ill is that I tend to become slightly misanthropic. It’s a bit childish, really. Damn you, humanity! I’m not feeling well! I find that this attitude is more manageable if I avoid watching (well, listening to–see the above about brightly lit screens) television. If you are in a mood where you find that you don’t like people very much, television will not make you change your mind.

I don’t know if I’ll be in to work tomorrow. (Wait, wasn’t I just talking about yesterday? I’ve become unstuck in time!) I also don’t know if I’ll be around here much, either. Stay tuned, I suppose.

Cuisine Of The Future

Okay, so the good news is that there is at least one thing that we can eat that won’t kill us. The bad news is that it’s aspirin. Mmm, delicious.

{via}

You Can’t Eat White Rice Anymore…

… because it gives you Type 2 diabetes. Well, that’s just great. I can’t wait until the day comes when we’ve conclusively proven that eating, in and of itself, is bad for human beings. We’ll all get together and celebrate with a big slice of nothing.

What ISN’T Trying To Kill You?

“When we set our clocks forward for daylight savings, some researchers say the disruption in circadian rhythms and minor sleep deprivation is enough to trigger some people to have a heart attack.” {From: Daylight Saving Time Is Trying To Kill You | The Awl.}

I’m so glad I didn’t read this until hours after I did the fifty yard dash to the train this morning. (Ow! My arm!)

Probably Not What They Mean…

… when they talk about “European-style” healthcare. That is, I don’t think massage-based baldness treatments are what they have in mind.

Being Fat Is Like Being Addicted…

… In that the best way to stop it, is to never start in the first place. So that’s a double whammy on me, I guess. Also, people who continue to justify their biases against fat people by claiming that obesity is solely the result of a weakness of character are just assholes. It’s okay! Just, you know, own your asshole, or whatever!

 

Potty Retraining

“Before we dive into the data, let’s review the mechanics of going to the bathroom.” {From:  How bathroom posture affects your health. – Slate Magazine}

Are we all going to the bathroom wrong? I must admit, it’s never occurred to me that we might be. I’m still not totally convinced, but I’m no doody-scientist.

The S Stands For “Safety,” Right?

First, the TSA practically ignores the possible cancer risks associated with their X-ray scanners, deciding to deploy them anyway. Then they promised to conduct an independent study to determine their safety. Now they would like to hold off on that study, if you don’t mind. If you were riding in a car with the TSA at the wheel, and black smoke started pouring out of the engine compartment, the TSA would stomp on the accelerator and grit its teeth, saying “It’s fine. It’s fine,” over and over again. {Link via Slashdot}

Good Health Is Bad Business

Frozen food industry lobbyists trying to ensure that our nation’s children are only able to buy shitty food from their school cafeterias. Not that the kids will care much. I remember, back when I was in school, the same underground economy that contained booze, weapons, and illicit drugs, also had its fair share of unhealthy snack pushers. No joke, I bought a bag of Fritos off a fellow student who I later found out was also a pot dealer. (I passed on the weed… I was such a square, you know?)

Oh No They Didn’t

To all parents: You might be freaking out about the recent warnings you’ve been hearing about how you shouldn’t let your young children watch television, but I want to read this next sentence very carefully: You should totally let your young children watch lots of television.

You can trust me on this one: I am a part of a generation of men and women who will never be able to afford to retire, and will therefore be competing with your offspring in an increasingly cut-throat job market–so as you can see, I am completely unbiased.

On the other hand, the people telling you that TV will harm your child’s development are a bunch of doctors who are trying to tell you how to raise your baby. And, as we all know, nobody tells you how to raise your baby!