Best efforts to the contrary, I’ll be dead someday. And all of my DVDs, CDs, and books–an overwhelming, valueless collection–represents a huge mess that somebody else is going to have to clean up after I’m gone. I suppose a lot of that stuff will go into the garbage, but perhaps some of it will wind up sitting around a dusty bookstore, waiting for someone to come along who just absolutely has to have a copy of Ed McMahon’s Barside Companion.

The good news is that, except for a couple of people, no one is ever going to see my mountain of garbage in one piece. Individually, my objects aren’t all that damning. How bad is a single appalling lapse of taste, really? As a collection however–well that’s something different. Something that says, “This was a man who did not have his priorities straight.”

Person 1: Man, why won’t anybody go out with me?

Person 2: What are you talking about? I’d go out with you!

Person 1: No, I mean, someone good!

Unrelated.

Oh, that’s the trick, is it? Well, that’s simple. Excuse me, I just need to run out and pick up a copy of Cheer Up, Stupid! and I’ll be right as rain!

I think it’s rude to hit on people while they are shopping (or at least it is when I do it), but it’s bigger than that: If you hit on single people who are trying to spend money, they may get creeped out and head for home early, with money still in their wallets/purses. Thus, we see how hitting on random strangers is RUINING THE ECONOMY.

Off to the dollar store! I could also use one of those weirdly small boxes of Hamburger Helper!