You can save yourself a ton of money by avoiding scams if you’d just accept that nobody is ever going to love you. Actually, you can also save yourself a ton of money by avoiding romance even if somebody out there is capable of loving you. Probably more!

Another thing: Can we at least agree that it is highly disingenuous for people with a vested interest in one format or another to pretend that they are each the clear-eyed, objective thinker that everybody should be listening to? Look, this is a controversial issue with a direct impact on your financial situation: It’s actually okay to admit to having a self-interested point of view. Anger at the 1% notwithstanding, the days when everyone would think you were an asshole for just wanting to make a living are over.

Now, a more general annoyance: Not that they get into it in the linked article, but something that is often implied when traditional publishing people talk about the “death of books” is that there exists a pack of slavering monsters whose sole purpose and goal is to destroy traditional publishing. I don’t know everything about everything, but in all my travels, I have yet to come across more than one or two examples of that at best–I mean aside from the ULA (remember them?).

I’m beginning to doubt the existence of this ravenous horde. I think that some defenders of traditional publishing are assigning ravenous intentions to people who may not warrant the label. I think that anyone who tries to make money with ebooks outside of the traditional publishing establishment is imputed by some to be a kind of club-swinging Visigoth regardless of their attitude towards traditional publishing.

I suspect, however, that these Visigoths (oh, let’s just stick with that for now) are less like, “We must destroy old publishing!” but rather more like, “Here’s a business opportunity that I can exploit, and while I’m doing that, I may not try very hard to protect the business models of the established cadre of publishing companies.”

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Neither do you. Neither do the people who keep writing (and being quoted in) these articles. I’d love for everyone on both sides to wind up rich, happy, and widely read. But we don’t know what’ll happen. The future is horrible in that way.

Look, I can’t tell anybody what they should or shouldn’t write. I will however, be happy to mention what I’m not willing to read–not that anybody gives a damn, which is exactly right. For god’s sake, don’t listen to me. I’m a goddamn idiot.

But maybe think about not simply repeating the same information over, and over, and over again just because someone famous piped up about it, please?

(Though, I must say, for a more succinct analysis of this phenomenon, I refer you to Mister Robyn Hitchcock. Time will destroy you.)

Maybe it’s a good thing, not to be remembered for one’s individual achievements. After all, when the future looks back at the past, it’s often with an eye that sees the old society as foolish at best, or monstrously immoral at worst. Are you sure you want your name associated with that?

Imagine a future when Veganism is the dominant ideology and guiding principle of society. Do you want the world of the future to look upon your visage and spit, to utter your name as a curse, and repeat, over and over in a ritual chant, “This man ate bacon! And he was proud of it!”

Actually, what am I saying? I don’t even have the skill or maliciousness to fuck with anybody right now. I apologize to my own furniture when I bump into it, for god’s sake.

Best efforts to the contrary, I’ll be dead someday. And all of my DVDs, CDs, and books–an overwhelming, valueless collection–represents a huge mess that somebody else is going to have to clean up after I’m gone. I suppose a lot of that stuff will go into the garbage, but perhaps some of it will wind up sitting around a dusty bookstore, waiting for someone to come along who just absolutely has to have a copy of Ed McMahon’s Barside Companion.

The good news is that, except for a couple of people, no one is ever going to see my mountain of garbage in one piece. Individually, my objects aren’t all that damning. How bad is a single appalling lapse of taste, really? As a collection however–well that’s something different. Something that says, “This was a man who did not have his priorities straight.”

Person 1: Man, why won’t anybody go out with me?

Person 2: What are you talking about? I’d go out with you!

Person 1: No, I mean, someone good!

Unrelated.

Oh, that’s the trick, is it? Well, that’s simple. Excuse me, I just need to run out and pick up a copy of Cheer Up, Stupid! and I’ll be right as rain!

I think it’s rude to hit on people while they are shopping (or at least it is when I do it), but it’s bigger than that: If you hit on single people who are trying to spend money, they may get creeped out and head for home early, with money still in their wallets/purses. Thus, we see how hitting on random strangers is RUINING THE ECONOMY.

Off to the dollar store! I could also use one of those weirdly small boxes of Hamburger Helper!